I'm gonna have a badass scar
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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