Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You work out of a Hotel?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
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