You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
