Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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