Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
