Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
