Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
