he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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