dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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