Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
