You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
