"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize