Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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