Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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