When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
