I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
