I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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