singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
