Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
