do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
