Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
