Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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