So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
