I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
