I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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