just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
