I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
