new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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