i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
