just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
