I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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