I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
