so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
