It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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