I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
