Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
