Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
