A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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