Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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