am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
This baby is an asshole
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm gonna fight the coyote
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
