We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
