theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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