there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
