Your tits are I can't wait for
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
