Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
