Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I wear drunk well.
Randomize