There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
