I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
