so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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