we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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