I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
