So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Mom said you looked used
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
