My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
