Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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