Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
