Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize