My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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