I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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