Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
