It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
that may or may not have been my penis.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
