you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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