I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he shaved USA in his pubs
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
