R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize