What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
