I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize