Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
