so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
