the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize