covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
