Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize