Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
