I can tuck mytits in my pants
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
