I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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