he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
